Batman: Year One [2011 – video]

“Look at my new scooter Mommy. No training wheels!”

What is it that draws us to superheroes? They represent the good and noble. Batman: Year One (B:YO) on the other hand was a one hour and four minute parade of all that is wrong about humanity. You will not find any that are good in this somber, morose and dragging release. That includes Jim Gordon and even Batman himself.

Okay, maybe not Alfred. But he’s the exception.

We are going to liven up this take on a boring, depressing feature with fun pictures of Adam West’s Batman!

Is B:YO based on a comic book of the same name? Probably. We do not know for sure, nor do we care. What may have made for a good comic book -MAY HAVE, certainly did not make for a satisfying video release. However, if you have just filled a prescription for your antidepressant of choice, we have just the picture for you! Perhaps it would have been more aptly named:

Jim Gordon: The Hardscrabble Early Police Years

Detective Flass is 100% the selfish, good looking, jock stereotype. You know he is bad because he bullies Hare Krishnas. What’s next? Nuns?

Oh yeah. How about a pointless fight between pre-Batman Bruce Wayne and pre-Catwoman Selena Kyle. (She’s been hitting the weights…)

Our synopsis in a sentence: Troubled billionaire Bruce Wayne returns to Beirut -er, Gotham City where he finds everything and everyone corrupt from the ubiquitous criminal scum to even the Mos Eisley Spaceport Police Force which are a wretched hive of scum and villainy -wait, we meant the Gotham City Police Force against which a whiny, indecisive and amateurish new Batman tries to right the wrongs along with the depressing drama’s real star, gun toting, bat wielding tough guy Jim Gordon who of course is also morally flawed.

Batman pushed to the limit by three teens with a TV.

Batman and Robin pushed to the limit by using the Bat-run to accomplish a 4 minute mile. (Really!)

Yes, Jim Gordon spends more time combating evil than Bruce Wayne. The latter spends most of this dolorous movie agonizing in dark rooms in Wayne Manor, or whining mournful dirges out in the snow in front of gravestones.

Oh Flass, you are so bad. To keep up with his stereotype here he beats up a teen and tosses him in a locker- er, dumpster.

Lest you think we are exaggerating about the stereotype, here is Flass wearing… a varsity jacket.

It seems few even want to clean up Gotham City. You are given the impression it has been corrupt for a long time, and that the city has accepted its deplorable state of moral decay. And honestly by the end of the picture, the woeful state has hardly changed. Nor do you really end up caring. That city as depicted deserves what it gets.

“News flash: Gotham City sucks.”

How will Batman get out of this one?

There really is no overarching story. Bruce Wayne meanders his way to becoming Batman, but there is little time devoted to it. Most of the time is spent on amazingly buff Jim Gordon, ex-kick butt commando. Jim Gordon who takes a bat to a corrupt police officer. Jim Gordon who wants to clean up the mess that has become Gotham City. And of course in keeping with this perfidious production, an adulterer behind the back of his pregnant wife.

Jim Gordon about to smooch with Katee Sackhoff voiced Det. Essen.

Is Commissioner Loeb really (stereotypically) bad? Go down the checklist: Overweight? Check. Bow-tie? Check. Super smarmy grin? Oh yeah, he’s bad.

If you are a hard-core comic book fan who just loved the comic this production was based upon (or Nolan’s The Dark Knight), you may have some curiosity about seeing B:YO. If you are looking for an entertaining and (even mildly) uplifting story about fighting evil, this is most certainly not for you. There is bad in the world, and evil. However we do not have to, nor should we make it our continual focus.

Check out our other Batman and DC Comics takes:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Season 1 part 1

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Season 1 part 2

Batman: The Brave and the Bold  Season 2

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Season 3

Batman: Under the Red Hood [2010]

Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman [2003]

Superman/Batman: Apocalypse [2010]

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies [2009]

Green Lantern: Emerald Knights [2011]

Green Lantern: First Flight [2009]

All-Star Superman [2011]

Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths [2010]

Justice League: The New Frontier [2008]

Young Justice [2010] Season 1

Wonder Woman [2009]

Thor: Tales of Asgard [2011]

This production is not for young kids. We are not saying it is as monotone, adult and unappealing as The Dark Knight [2008]. However it deals with adult themes, diplomacy, betrayal, bitter feminism, some womanizing and a few atomizations.

Why so grim Hogun? Lighten up.

That description may be at odds to an art direction more reminiscent of The Next Avengers. Cutesy Thor and Loki have skinny legs and big feet, not having grown into full manhood. Of course that does not stop them from causing man sized trouble.

Odin fights the demon Sutur. Note the size difference. Yes, that is Odin in the circle. And he won this match too.

The opening credits were pleasingly classy and interesting (especially for a direct to home market release). Though to us they clashed a bit with the stylized, less detailed animation. They also seemed somewhat at odds with Thor’s teenage angst and naïveté.

Could Loki's brooding expression foretell a future path of evil? ...nah.

Is the enchanting Enchantress Amora teaching Loki sign language? We know the question you might be asking, "Why did Thor never go for her?"

How about a one sentence synopsis? Teenaged Thor thinks he’s a man but is really a weenie, so he tries to prove otherwise by stowing away on a mission with his younger brother Loki easily finding a legendary blade no one for generations seemed able to find and causing a chain reaction of events leading to some fried frost giants, war amongst the Asgardian lands, interruption of feminist Valkyrie river bathing, some pointless battles and an ending which leaves you saying, “eh”.

Uh... very inconvenient. Unless you can teleport or fly. Great view though.

Could this innocent looking dark elf possibly be holding in resentment, rage and a hunger for vengeance? ...nah.

This tired story really did not have to star Thor. The spoiled prince, some womanizing knights, the fiery attitude filled girlfriend denied being a warrior in a male-dominated society, kingdoms separated by a fragile truce… Yes you have heard it all before. Thor did not do a thing normally associated with the character. He did not use his hammer, call down lightning, or even utter, “I say the nay!” It is not even “Thor Year One”. It is more like “Thor Year Minus One” (because at least in year one he would get his hammer.)

Sure Sif, train with the Valkyries. That will help your anger issues. (Although we are partial to archers...)

Tales of Asgard was not bad. It had interesting moments and is worth watching. However it carries no surprises, earth shattering moments or a very satisfying ending. And some of the teen angst between Thor and his father Odin was ripped almost line for line from “The Little Mermaid”.

  • Thor/Ariel: “But father I want to see the outside world.”
  • Odin/King Triton: “I forbid it.”
  • Thor/Ariel: “I’m grown up, you can’t keep me here!”
  • Odin/King Triton: “I am your king and your father and you will obey me!”

How did this picture get in here? Wrong undersea king.

Asgard itself was a little hard to pin down in regards to its technology and even era. Sometimes it was ancient Greek, other times medieval England. We are not sure what exactly they were going for. However at least the depictions of the Frost Giants was adequate. Unlike the live-action Thor movie, Frost Giants were actually… well, giant.

Flaming swords and frost giants... No, don't try to make it make sense. Just be pleased they were actually big.

The depiction of the Warriors Three was well done. But they are easy and fun stereotypes to work with.

One of the least fun depictions was the Valkyries. Led by Brunhilde, they were male hating, cold hearted, duplicitous, murderous wenches. That is no exaggeration for the sake of humor or wit. Yet another island of bitter females who “throw off male subjugation” with ill temper and stifled aggression. A sect not satisfied until every female who ever experienced a bump on their romantic highway joins their unhappy enclave. Misery truly loves company.

"See how happy I look? Join us Sif and you will be this happy too."

If you go into this production with no expectations you may get one hour and 13 minutes worth of mild entertainment. Even if some of the characterizations are a little much, the overall plot stayed rather safe, although perhaps a little staid.

It was pretty much nothing like this. Talk about violating truth in advertising laws.

Check out related takes:

Hulk Vs Thor [2009]

Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow [2008]

Iron Man: Armored Adventures Season 1 [2008]

The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Season 1 [2010]

Green Lantern: Emerald Knights [2011]

This ill-conceived collection of unrelated flashbacks flew under our interest radar. Perhaps you were completely unaware of this production as we have seen little buzz about it. If not for our dedication to comprehensive coverage of such things we might have skipped a take on it altogether. But part of the purpose of the Fortress is to warn; to save others from wasting their precious time.

"Hi, I'm Hal Jordan; hero. Take a good look at my fabulously dimpled jaw, because you won't see much of it in this mixed up anthology."

Unless you are a die hard comic book Green Lantern aficionado, this random collection of material will be of little (or no) interest. How many disjointed, irrelevant acts were there? Three? Five? We do not know. We lost count after four -and interest after three.

Gotta collect 'em all!

Our patented synopsis in a sentence? Hard in this case as there was little plot, but we will give it a go for your entertainment:  Gathered to green lantern home base, Hal Jordan plays the most minor role as narrator in a lame attempt to tie together a bunch of uninteresting, alien filled flashbacks under the guise of putting a halter top, mini skirt wearing rookie lantern at ease.

If you thought First Flight had a weak ending where Hal Jordan fought a giant inanimate battery, wait til you see this gem where they sloooowly push a whole planet into this giant guy...

DC continues to make little sense in their mismatched, unrelated, at variance with one another video releases. Perhaps it is a reflection of the DC universe itself. Is this production related in any way to Green Lantern: First Flight [2009]? Except for the cast, no. Is the timeline also confusing? Yes. Last time Hal was a noob surrounded by this cast. Now he is a vet surrounded by the very same lanterns.

"Sinestro? Weren't you the bad guy last time? Now you're... good? (And a little brusque.) I'm a noob and I'm confused..."

This wandering production may bring to mind questions:

  • Who is this giant, weird (poorly explained) main antagonist guy coming out of the sun?

  • Why should we care about any of these bizarre aliens and their out-of-nowhere stories?

"You've got a lot of crazy appendages." "Oh yeah? Well, you're a mouth-less blob."

  • Why do all humanoid female lanterns have pointed ears?

Seriously? This is getting old...

A random story from the Green Lantern universe may make for a good single issue comic book. People who buy Green Lantern comics are dedicated to the franchise. However direct to video animated releases are far more mainstream… or should be. This one was not.

"Look at me mom! I'm a green lantern!"

Also, we think it is natural to just not care as much about alien blobs to which one cannot relate. That is the reason we have Hal Jordan. He is the likable human with an understandable origin we can get behind. He is our vehicle (by original design) for interaction with this alien corps.

DC would have been much better off making a dedicated adventure for this feature, and/or (gasp) a sequel to Green Lantern: First Flight [2009]. This forgettable and avoidable production should have been named:

Anthology of Stupid Green Lantern Stories!

Check out our Green Lantern takes:

Green Lantern: First Flight [2009]

Green Lantern: Emerald Knights [2011]

Check Out Our Takes on Other

DC Comics Superhero Related Media:

Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman [2003]

Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths [2010]

Justice League: The New Frontier [2008]

Batman: Under the Red Hood [2010]

Batman: The Brave and the Bold

Superman/Batman: Apocalypse [2010]

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies [2009]

Winx Club 3D: Magic Adventure (Magica Avventura) [2010]

This is the second Winx Club movie, and like the first (Winx Club: The Secret of the Lost Kingdom) it is a self-contained, high-quality experience independent of the series. Both movies differentiate themselves with computer-generated graphics in contrast to the television show’s traditional animation (and this take is not about debating which style is best).

Flora was looking good (despite a tragic peroxide accident). Someone needs to remind the animators that her hair is supposed to be brown.

We will say that if you are going to do something, do it well. This movie for the most part has strong art design. You can make a lot of ideas look good with computer graphics. However if an idea really stinks, even the graphics may not save it. But good ideas abound, like interesting and fitting manifestations of the different character’s powers. The magics were not reduced to different colored balls of light. Such copouts plagued the television series’ fourth season.

Oh, and when in doubt, take inspiration from a classic.

Set designs and artistic touches were a visual treat. Almost all the places visited, and they were quite varied, were rich in their own way. From the mundane, like Bloom’s earthly parents home, to the fantastic like Bloom’s biological parent’s castle. Plus there were surprise colourful transitions like that GIF at the top.

Average park? Average looks? Average clothes? There is nothing average about the Winx girls. Isn't this how everyone dolls themselves up for a stroll in the fabulously average park?

The action scenes were some of the best choreographed of the franchise. It was not just blast after blast. There was maneuvering, defense and strategy. Important to us as well was the original Company of Light was not dissed. King Oritel, now restored and in his prime was not treated as second-tier to highlight the Winx girls. Instead he was out there kicking butt as one would expect from the leader of that legendary band.

King Oritel is back, and he remembered how to pose.

However this movie experience is not without flaw. Someone over in the costume design department:

  1. got too cute
  2. got drunk
  3. passed the work off to an intern
  4. is colorblind

We say this because some of the outfits were just dreadful in contrast to those cool battle suits the girls wore in the first movie.

You don't need Timmy's I.Q. to realize someone spilled paint all over Tecna's outfit.

This collection of clashing, garish awful outfits is only better for Musa. Her believix pantaloons are not hard to best...

No new characters were introduced. The villains were the Trix, who we were glad to see back (and computer generated), and the ancestral witches whose storyline we were glad to see wrap up. Despite this known cast we still felt as though we experienced travel and newness within the breadth of the wide Winx universe. This starts right at the beginning with a fun, narrated introductory 5 minutes. It was surprisingly “techy” for a magic based series.

Remember when teleporting only required Stella's cool Solarian staff and not a nuclear blast? Ah, those were the days...

The Winx girls are unperturbed! (Despite being bombarded by gamma rays...)

The movie also fell prey to the, “we know what little girls like and are going to give it to them whether it fits this movie or not” syndrome. The lead character Bloom is the primary victim of this. Sometimes portrayed as a 10-year-old girl living the fantasy life of a princess in a beautiful castle being given a pony. At other times dressing as a slightly provocative teen and lip locking with her boyfriend at times both appropriate and strange.

However this Picasso-esque virtual communication scene was visually pleasing.

We really do think the plot was too focus grouped and marketing oriented in the sense that it included every element in which a 10-year-old girl might be interested:

  • horses
  • flying horses
  • unicorns
  • flying unicorns
  • boyfriends
  • evening gowns
  • princesses
  • castles
  • princes
  • forced marriages
  • arch enemies
  • BFFs
  • big sisters
  • garish clothing
  • and amusing high school antics

Uhh...

Thankfully there was little Kiko, and even less pixies.

If you are a fan of the franchise, most flaws are easy to overlook and this movie is definitely worth seeing. Chronologically it takes place before the second half of season four. Critically we think it holds together better and makes more sense than those mishmashed, somewhat misguided episodes.

Produce more like this Straffi and perhaps Winx will attract a new generation of fans.

What can we learn from this picture? Bloom's Earth mother was a hippie. (Oh, and Bloom may not have been the prettiest baby...)

Check out our other Winx Club takes:

Winx Club Season 1 – (The Trix)

Winx Club Season 2 – (Darkar)

Winx Club Season 3 – (Baltor/Valtor)

Winx Club: The Secret of the Lost Kingdom

Winx Club Season 4 – The Black Circle (part 1)

Winx Club Season 4 – The Black Circle (part 2)

Winx Club 3D: Magica Avventura

Also By Iginio Straffi:

Huntik: Secrets & Seekers Season 1

Check out related takes:

W.I.T.C.H. Season One

W.I.T.C.H. Season TWO

Au Pair [1999]

When Curtiz and talented others put together Casablanca in 1942, it was just a job. The studio rushed it out in nine weeks; it went slightly over budget and had last minute screenplay issues. However in the end just the right combination of elements amazingly came together surprising and surpassing expectations. (Like Captain America’s shield, but we digress.)

Uh... no. Not THAT Casablanca. (Wait, "Sass 'n Brass" are appearing? Count us in!)

We do not know what Au Pair series fathers Sherman and Griffiths were anticipating when Au Pair was being filmed, but we doubt they thought it would be one of the most popular films ever made for the Family Channel (be repeated constantly, and spawn two sequels). But like Casablanca, it was just the right combination of elements at just the right time.

One of those elements was apparently "Eurotrash".

Ah, 1999. The last pre mobile phone era. (What is with that phone on the right? Did they borrow it from the "Land of the Giants" set?)

Our patented synopsis in a sentence: Jenny is a smart girl with a business degree and no job prospects so she takes on a nanny gig for rich widower Oliver who is kindhearted but a little dense, has two spoiled children, and is being manipulated into marriage by uber shrew Vivian until Jenny teaches the children the value of a dollar and renews Oliver’s spirit with a pure heart… and a couple hawt dresses.

See how money makes bratty kids happy? (There is definitely a lesson here.)

Heidi Lenhart's Jenny at maximum nerd.

The timing was just right in 1999. The Family Channel was riding high, people were getting rich with dot coms, and every average Joe saw a chance to become a millionaire. Jenny resonated trying to find her way with earnestness and good ideas. So many out there look for a chance. A hope that along the way they will be recognized, find success and true love. (Not us in the Fortress of course, but we digress.)

Jenny's boyfriend Charlie Cruikshank (yes, pronounced CROOK-shank). HIS efforts to find "true love" were... less than genuine. (*cough* Loser.)

See what Jane Sibbett must endure for the roles she so qualifies for? (Is that dress comprised of post-its?)

The movie was not a big-budget extravaganza nor some experimentally shot tour de force. Still (or perhaps because) it commands attention with classic cinematography,  and beloved, well done character stereotypes. We are not against them here in the Fortress. They can be quite entertaining. Vivian was the (stereotypical and perhaps typecast) role Jane Sibbett was born to play. Such delicious patrician, gold digging attitude.

Jane Sibbett's Vivian: Evil shrew.

Gregory Harrison may be a made-for-TV staple, but the likeable and slightly absent minded businessman is right up his alley. Forget all those Lifetime channel appearances where 97% of the time someone is pushed down stairs. Au Pair was an upbeat tale that leaves you feeling better. A novelty we know!

Gregory Harrison dressed in a tux and angry.

Gregory Harrison dressed as a sandman and angry.

Heidi Lenhart has great “girl next door” good looks. You believed her as Jenny the frumpy business major, and as Jenny the girl rocking the hawt dresses. Her wardrobe transformation scene was what we in the Fortress called “a minute and a half of pure movie making”. However time (or lawyers) were not kind to these 90 seconds. In one of those “stupid licensing things” the “Pretty Woman” song to which the scene was so nicely edited was replaced by something far inferior. (Why our favorite scene? Why?!) So see if you can get an earlier version (and spare yourself this cinematic tragedy).

The famous wardrobe transition montage moving Jenny from frump to fair.

Jenny tries on fabulous clothes... apparently near a giant indoor fan.

Dude, you're like 10. We do not think you should like it this much.

The youths did a good job portraying bratty rich kids who learn important life lessons and overcome the loss of their mother. Good ol’ John Rhys Davies plays a supporting role as (mega-stereotypical) butler Nigel. He adds gravitas to the production.

In some countries, this is considered child abuse.

"Looks dangerous. YOU go first. ...Oh sorry, that was one of my lines from Indiana Jones." (Hair stylist to the set!)

We do not know what to say to you if you still have no desire to try this charming film. Is your heart made of silicon? Was it broken in 8th grade? Perhaps a dirtied down depressing travesty like the Syfy Channel’s version of Battlestar Galactica is your kind of TV fare. If so, this movie where the mean get comeuppance and love triumphs in the end is not for you.

Oh yeah. Charlie Cruikshank gets his comeuppance!

Check out our take on:

Au Pair III: Adventure in Paradise [2009]